At first glance…

…these may seem like the same thing.

ATTRACT Opportunities Instead of Pursuing Them…

…Using Counter-Intuitive Thinking

My thanks to Dr. Scott Sheperd, Rekindle Your Heart, for having recommended Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Remen, M.D. She offers another interesting perspective on Step 3, Suspend Judgment, of the 7 Steps to BecominG INVALUABLE.

Dr. Remen says “Judgment does not only take place in the form of criticism. Approval is also a form of judgment. When we approve of people, we sit in judgment of them as surely as when we criticize them.”

Frankly it’s a nuance to which I had not previously given thought. My initial reaction was “Aren’t we encouraging people when we offer approval?” A little more thought led me to the conclusion approval and encouragement are not the same thing.

While my approval might prove encouraging, the reverse isn’t always true. My encouragement need not include approval. I might not approve of a friend’s life goal, but I can encourage him to pursue it if that’s what he really wants from life. Indeed, my approval may cause him to continue to pursue that goal in the future when it no longer interests him. Why? Because I approved of it earlier. Our human nature causes us to look to those whose opinion we value for guidance and if that guidance is approval, we’ll find it difficult to move away from that guidance even though our gut tells us we should.

It’s counter-intuitive, but encouragement offers both the resolve to move forward and the flexibility of changing our minds in the future while approval can cause us to do things that we really don’t want to do – things that we’re doing to get the approval.

If you want to distinguish yourself, become the person in your organization who encourages others without judging – without offering approval or criticism. This ability will make you INVALUABLE to those around you and, in the process, attract opportunities so that you don’t have to pursue them.

Attracting opportunities is only the beginning.  Visit www.pricingforprofitbook.com to discover how to get compensated well for the value you provide or check out my latest book, Pricing for Profit.  Enjoy!

If you’d like more information on Dr. Scott Sheperd visit http://www.rekindleyourheart.com. For more information on Dr. Rachel Remen and her books visit http://www.rachelremen.com/.

Who’s your strongest competitor?

What are your odds of beating him/her?

Step 3 of the 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE is “Suspend Judgment.” Let’s take a look at how one winner used this concept to his advantage.

As American Idol is about to launch its new season, I couldn’t help but reflect on last year’s contest. The surprise win of Kris Allen over the favorite, Adam Lambert, offers some valuable insights into competition.

The importance of Winston Churchill’s famous 5-word speech to England’s citizenry, “Never, never, never give up,” was exemplified in Kris Allen’s American Idol win. Throughout the competition Adam Lambert was considered the person to beat. His performances were rewarded with glowing reviews from the judges and standing ovations from the audience. Yet, during the final two weeks of the competition it was Kris Allen who garnered the majority of the votes.

It would have been easy for Kris to embrace the idea that:

• Adam Lambert was more talented than he was
• Adam was more popular and, thus, unbeatable
• His chances of winning were nil

All of these thoughts could have, and probably did, enter his psyche. They all have one thing in common. They’re judgments; judgments wrought from emotion. These judgments limit our potential and the value we bring to society.

The reality is that there will always be someone a little brighter, a little more skilled, more experienced or more of a natural talent than we are. Their abilities make life miserable for us. No matter how hard we try we’re never going to surpass these people – or are we?

We can, and we will, if we follow Kris Allen’s example of setting aside these judgments and doing our best every week. It’s counter-intuitive, but there is only one competitor in your life – yourself. If you compare yourself against those who are brighter, more skilled, possess greater experience or are more naturally gifted, you’re likely to become disheartened and give up.

Conversely, if you compete only against yourself, every time you improve upon your previous performance you gain confidence and you position yourself for greater and greater success. It won’t matter what your competitors are doing, you’ll know that your success is assured because you’re continuously improving in areas that have value for your customers.

Learn from Kris Allen! Set aside those judgments that limit your future. Focus on your customers‘ needs and competing only with yourself. You’ll not only enjoy greater and greater success, odds are that you’ll have others in your industry viewing you as the one who is brighter, more skilled, more experienced or more naturally talented.

If not…

…how reliable is history?

Our pastor made the comment that memory is a function of history?  Is it? 

In his book, Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert shares scientific studies of memory that show that, contrary to popular opinion, our memories aren’t full-length features stored in exacting detail.  Instead they are more like holograms where what’s stored are the key elements of the story.  The details get filled in as we recall the episode.

Professor Gilbert goes on to say that “the least likely experience” is often the “most likely memory.”  Why is that?  Because the least likely experiences trigger emotional reactions.  Indeed, it’s the emotional reactions that we have to the situations we face that determine what memories we retain.

If you doubt that think of your last trip to the grocery store.  Was it memorable?  If not, there were no surprises; nothing that triggered an emotional reaction.  Conversely, if it was memorable, it’s likely that someone allowed you to go ahead of him in the checkout line, shared a kind word with you or raced to get ahead of you in line.  Each of these actions triggers an emotional response that forms a memory.

Why is this important?  Because, as Professor Gilbert notes, this natural tendency can “wreak havoc with our ability to predict future experiences.”  If our primary recall is of unusual experiences, how accurate is our historical perspective?  How well can we predict future outcomes if we’re focused on the least likely results?

It’s counter-intuitive, but memory is not an accurate historical perspective.  That’s why, when predicting an outcome, it’s wise to recall:

1. The last relevant experience you had
2. What emotions were triggered during that experience
3. Whether this was an isolated instance among many other similar, yet less memorable, experiences

Then ask yourself, “Is this memory an accurate predictor of what I can expect?”  This simple approach will help you avoid creating unrealistic expectations and improve the historical accuracy of your memory. 

The 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE program I offer is designed to help you see more effective ways of doing business – ways that dramatically improve your bottom line while making your life easier.  In today’s blog I used Step 3, Suspend Judgment, to show you that emotions trigger memories and influence our expectations for the future. Then I used Step 1, Contributory Negligence, to demonstrate how we contribute to the outcomes we get – favorable or unfavorable – by our penchant for using “least likely experiences” to predict the future.  Finally I used Step 5, Contrarian Mindset, to show you how to overcome this natural tendency.  For more information on the 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE visit www.furtwengler.com/theinvaluableleader/

Please share your experiences and wisdom with Invaluable Leader readers by posting your comments.  If there are topics you’d like me to address, please send me an email at dale@furtwengler.com.