Do you feel guilty because you know you can help the prospect?

If so, you’re problem lies in your inability to say “No” to people. This tendency could be the result of:

• a sense of scarcity
• a passion for helping others
• a desire to please others

A sense of scarcity makes you look hungry during the sales call. Buyers sense your need and naturally withdraw. Who wants to work with someone who is struggling?

A passion for helping others often causes you to overlook the prospect’s desire to change. Just because you know that you can help someone doesn’t mean they’re interested in being helped.

If you’re a pleaser, if your goal is to make others happy and you’re willing to do whatever they ask, you’ll cave to the prospect’s demands – often to your detriment. Again, buyers sense your need and take advantage of your nature causing you to do a lot of work with little compensation and even less customer satisfaction.

Regardless of the reason, your inability to say “No” sends mixed messages to the market. If you’re experiencing scarcity, buyers sense that and find it difficult to believe that your offerings are as great as you say they are. When your passion for helping others causes you to say “My offering can help anyone,” buyers become skeptical – they know that there are no panaceas, no one-size-fits-all. If you’re a pleaser and you keep changing your offerings to accommodate buyers, you cause then to question the value of your product or service.

What’s the solution? The secret is to say “No” to people who don’t value what you have to offer. You know which of your customers bring you great joy and which drive you bonkers. Discover what those delightful customers have in common and use these characteristics to define your ideal customer. Then learn to graciously say to the others “I don’t think I’m the right person to meet your needs.”

Indeed, you can take this one step farther by telling prospects, in the sales call, who your ideal customer is. Amazingly, when I use this approach, some people have asked “Do I qualify?” This simple question allows me to have a candid conversation with the prospect that allows them to participate in a self-evaluation that helps them and me make a more informed decision about whether or not we should move forward.

It’s counter-intuitive, but if you want to:

• attract more business
• close more sales
• become more effective in serving your customers

learn to say “No.”

Buyers want to do business with people who:

• demonstrate confidence and success by their willingness to walk away from business that doesn’t make sense for them
• have a clear understanding of who their ideal customers are and communicate that information clearly and effectively
• who aren’t willing to compromise the value of their offerings to please others

The 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE program I offer is designed to help you see more effective ways of doing business – ways that dramatically improve your bottom line while making your life easier.

In today’s blog I used Step 1, Contributory Negligence, combined with Step 5, a Contrarian Mindset, to demonstrate how our inability to say “No” makes us less attractive in the marketplace. For more information on the 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE visit www.furtwengler.com/7steps.htm.

If you’d like to receive a weekly email reminder with a link to The Invaluable Leader blog or if you’d like me to address specific topics, please send me an email at dale@furtwengler.com. Please share your experience with our readers by posting a comment.

If so, how did it manifest itself?

Christy Beckmann, founder of The Reputation Builder, asks “How do Hillary Clinton’s and Barack Obama’s actions personify the law of attraction?”

Rarely am I at a loss for words, but I must confess that this question has given me pause.  As you’ll see from the length of this response the words came roaring back. 

This insightful question has challenged me to go deeper into the law of attraction than I’ve ever gone.  Hopefully, Christy, what I’ve discovered will answer your question.

The law of attraction basically says that we attract what we think about.  That’s the 30,000 foot view.  In reality, it’s more complicated than that.  We not only have to be able to focus our thoughts on our goal, we must believe with every fiber of our being that it will happen and we have to take action that moves us in the direction of that goal. 

At least that’s what I thought until Christy’s question.  Since then I’ve come to realize that there is another critical element – motivation.  The motivation must be balanced; it must blend the desire of the individual with the welfare of the masses. 

When motives are purely self-serving the individual rarely enjoys success.  The reason is simple.  We are not inclined to help those who don’t care about us.  How does this relate to Senators Clinton and Obama and the Democratic convention?

I have no doubt that both senators have the welfare of the United States at heart.  The question then becomes “Why was Senator Obama able to attract what he needed to win the nomination when Senator Clinton was not?” 

Before I answer that question I’d like to remind you that Step 3 in 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE is to learn to suspend judgment.  With that in mind, I will not judge the motivations of either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama.  I will not judge because I cannot know with certainty what their motives are.  Yet, like you, I have to make a choice and, yes, I realize that the Republicans offer a choice as well so we’ll add John McCain to the discussion knowing that he too cares about the welfare of the United States.

Our choices will be formed by the impressions we have of the candidates’ motivations.  In my opinion, and it is only an opinion, that the reason that Senator Obama won the nomination over Senator Clinton is that the balance between his personal goal and the welfare of the masses was tilted in favor of the masses to a greater degree than was demonstrated by Senator Clinton.

I believe that Senator Obama confirmed that perception when he said “…this election has never been about me; it’s about you.”  I believe that’s the sense that the majority of voters in the primaries and caucuses felt and that’s the reason why he won the nomination.

What’s John McCain’s “karma” in light of the law of attraction?  I get the sense that Senator McCain is struggling.  I can’t put my finger on the source of the struggle; it’s something that he alone will know when he sees it. 

The reason that I say that he’s struggling is that he seems to be spending a great deal of time reacting to Senator Obama’s actions rather than moving forward with his vision of the future.  If he were to voice his vision of the future as forcefully as Senator Obama, to provide us with enough detail to be able to see that vision ourselves, John McCain would demonstrate more clearly just how much he cares about us as United States citizens.

We gain a sense that others care about us when they take the time to educate us.  They realize that we may not always agree with them, but they respect our intelligence enough to educate us to their perspective.  This is what Barack Obama has done so effectively.  This is what John McCain needs to do if he hopes to attract the votes he needs to win the election in November.

It’s counter-intuitive, but the law of attraction works best when we strike a balance, possibly with a slight tilt to the masses, between our goals and the welfare of those we serve.  Christy, hopefully, you’ll found an answer in this lengthy response.  Thank you for the insightful question.

If there are topics you’d like addressed, do as Christy did; send me an email at dale@furtwengler.com.