Listen!
Monday, January 4th, 2010
We’re often told to listen more than we speak…
…but listen for what?
ATTRACT Opportunities Instead of Pursuing Them…
…Using Counter-Intuitive Thinking
Step 2, The Persuasion Myth, has two components. One is acknowledgment that we can’t persuade anyone of anything; they have to persuade themselves. The second is listening.
You’ve heard all of the listening cliches; I won’t reiterate them here. Yet, the one thing that’s typically missing in these messages is exactly what we should be listening for. If pressed for a more complete explanation to why we need to listen more, most people say “To gain the other person’s perspective.”
Okay, but to what end. There are really only three things that can come from effective listening.
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The acquisition of new knowledge.
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The knowledge of what the other party is missing in their analysis.
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Some combination of 1 and 2.
How do we use this knowledge? If we’re the ones who were mistaken and discover that by gaining the other party’s perspective, we have an opportunity to make our lives a whole lot easier going forward.
If we discover that they’re overlooking something in their analysis, we can ask a few leading questions to help them discover their oversight. Once they discover the missing piece of the puzzle and validate their new conclusions with their own experiences, they’ll move forward quickly with whatever you’re proposing.
Finally, the greatest probability is that you’ll both discover something new – something better than either of you envisioned and, in the process, create a better plan than either of you could have crafted on your own.
That still doesn’t answer the question “What should you be listening for?” Here are a few tips:
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Listen for the other party’s motivation.
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Listen for incongruities between their words and their behavior.
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Listen for clues to their reluctance to embrace a new concept.
We are all motivated, in varying degrees, by the need for recognition, financial reward, security, power and independence. Discover which is the primary motivator for your listener and you’ll know how to frame your questions to gain quicker acceptance for your ideas.
Since I already wrote a blog entitled “Incongruities” (September 14, 2009) I won’t go into great detail here. The key is to see where the person’s words and actions aren’t aligned. This will give you a segue into the real issue that your listener is facing. Again, it will help you frame the questions you need answered to help this individual (group) move forward.
Listen to the “Yeah, but…” Is it denial or a desire to understand? If it’s denial, use questions to highlight the incongruities between their words and actions to help them see what they’re doing to themselves. If their desire is to understand, ask a few questions to make sure that you’re clear about what’s confusing to them before you begin to respond.
It doesn’t seem that it should be counter-intuitive, but offering advice like “Listen twice as much as you speak” isn’t very helpful if you’re not told what to listen for.
As you use these simple concepts to improve your listening skills, you’ll not only gain greater influence, you’ll have others seeking your counsel on how to develop this skill. That’s how you attract opportunities instead of pursuing them. That’s how you become INVALUABLE!
Attracting opportunities is only the beginning. Visit www.pricingforprofitbook.com to discover how to get compensated well for the value you provide. Enjoy!
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