It’s natural to rail at things that upset us…

…but is it productive?

ATTRACT Opportunities Instead of Pursuing Them…

…Using Counter-Intuitive Thinking

In Step 3, Suspend Judgment, I struggle, as I believe most of us do, to avoid allowing the emotional reactions I have from becoming judgments about the person, the message or the behavior.  That’s precisely where I am today.

A friend recommended a national best-selling book to me.  I won’t mention the book or author because I don’t believe in denigrating the work of others.  There’s too much of that going on today.  Besides I wouldn’t be modeling the behavior of suspending judgment that I’m asking you to adopt as part of the 7 Steps program.

What I’m offering is the lesson that I’ve taken from this experience.  As I was reading the book – actually within the first 20 pages or so – I was inclined to return it to the library unread.  Why?  The author was railing about today’s political environment without offering any suggestions on what we, the readers, could do to effect changes in that environment.  The examples offered about governments failings were accurate and lucid, but these examples left me with the nagging question “So what do I do about it?”

Without that answer the author left me feeling angry, frustrated and helpless.  The last thing we need are those emotions running rampant throughout the populace.  It’s an emotional blend that builds a powder keg of emotion that, once sparked, unleashes terrible violent action despite the fact that this author promotes non-violence in his rhetoric.

It’s counter-intuitive, but railing at anything triggers emotional reactions in others that can lead to unpredictable, sometimes violent reactions.  At the very least, railing will result in the listeners forming judgments that closes their minds to alternative approaches to dealing with the situation being discussed.

Whenever you feel inclined to rail at something that’s upset you, pause a moment. Remind yourself that you’re experiencing an emotional reaction.  Recall previous instances in which you were emotional and how those emotions clouded your judgment.  Then recall those situations in which you were able to set aside those emotions and how much more lucid and productive your thinking was.  Relive the joy you experienced as this emotion-free state allowed you to craft a variety of alternative solutions to the problem you were facing.  Remember the peace you experienced as you realized that there were a number of solutions, any of which that could work.

If you want to be INVALUABLE, don’t rail at the situations you face. Instead, set aside those emotions and the judgments they naturally form and explore alternatives to the situation you’re facing.  Once you’ve identified those alternatives, communicate the circumstances factually as well as the alternative approaches.  The people around you will appreciate the fact that you haven’t cast them into an emotional whirlpool with no way out.  It’s the kind of approach that will cause them to seek your well-reasoned counsel, invite you onto their teams and involve you in their new initiatives.  It’s another way for you to become INVALUABLE.

Attracting opportunities is only the beginning.  Visit www.pricingforprofitbook.com to discover how to get compensated well for the value you provide.  Enjoy!

If you’d like to receive a weekly email reminder with a link to The Invaluable Leader blog or if you’d like me to address specific topics, please send me an email at dale@furtwengler.com.  Please share your experience with our readers by posting a comment.

Have you ever wondered why some authors are so mesmerizing…

…while others are so easily ignored?

Mesmerizing authors offer a glimpse of what’s to come – tiny tidbits of information that grab your attention and build anticipation.  You want to know more, but the author makes you wait knowing that joy lies in anticipation.

If you doubt that, recall a book that you were enjoying when the author telegraphed the ending.  Remember your disappointment as you waded through the last fifty pages or so knowing what the ending was, but afraid not to finish the book in case you were wrong.  When your suspicions were finally confirmed, you felt cheated.  The author just wasted your time by “forcing” you to read those last fifty pages.

From the author’s vantage point, the only thing worse is having you decide within the first fifty pages that his work isn’t worthy of your time.  Ouch!

What’s this have to do with you?  Whether you’re a business owner, a career business development specialist or someone with a great idea who needs the approval of others to move forward, you need the skills of a mesmerizing author to attract new customers or champions for your cause.

What are these skills?  How do you develop them?  Our natural tendency is to think that we’re logical human beings who, when presented with all the facts, make reasonable, informed decisions.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  You don’t have to trust me; simply recall the last time you presented a well-thought-out idea and the reaction you got.  Remember the dismay you felt as your audience’s eyes glazed over.  You’ve just experienced the “ouch” the author feels when his work is discarded after fifty pages.

How do you avoid having this happen to you?  Learn to think like a mesmerizing mystery writer.  Learn how to craft messages that engage others with intrigue and anticipation.  Specifically you want to frame your messages to:

• Avoid telling them anything – allow them the thrill of discovery
• Don’t be afraid to use misdirection
• Use language that triggers an emotional reaction
• Leave them wanting more – even when they’ve already bought

Imagine how exciting it will be for your customers and champions if they always have something new to look forward to when dealing with you.  You’ll be this endless font of wisdom from which they’ll drink without ever being sated.  That’s the feeling others will have of you when you develop the skill of a mesmerizing author.

Let’s take a look at each of the above components of an intriguing message in more detail.  First, avoid telling them anything.  All great authors use questions or innuendo that give their readers a glimpse of what’s to come without letting them know what the outcome will be.  Indeed, many will employ the magician’s art of misdirection to cause the reader to vacillate between a number of alternative outcomes none of which will be the ultimate outcome.

Use language that elicit emotions.  Logic is BORING!  I know that exercising thirty minutes a day is good for my health.  Boring.  But exercising so that I can continue to scuba dive into my eighties, that excites me.  Make sure that your language targets what they want, not what they need.  I need to exercise, but I want to go scuba diving.

Finally, leave them wanting more.  Even though you know where your idea is headed, don’t share any more than absolutely necessary to get the sale or the approval you need.  Leave a few things hidden so that you can continue to wow them well into the future.

It’s counter-intuitive, but you’ll enjoy greater, more lasting success in any endeavor you choose if you learn to think like a mesmerizing author.

The 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE program is designed to help you see more effective ways of doing business – ways that dramatically improve your bottom line while making your life easier.  In today’s blog I used Step 2, The Persuasion Myth, and Step 4, See Similarities, to demonstrate how people who make their living attracting readers can help you attract more buyers or more champions for you cause.  For more information on the 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE visit www.furtwengler.com/7steps.htm.

If you’d like to receive a weekly email reminder with a link to The Invaluable Leader blog or if you’d like me to address specific topics, please send me an email at dale@furtwengler.com.  Please share your experience with our readers by posting a comment.

Good news – My latest book, Pricing for Profit, is going to be released 9.9.09 in the United States, Canada, U.K., Italy, France, Germany and the Netherlands.  Prepublication orders are being taken at  amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com.  Enjoy!

If not…

…how reliable is history?

Our pastor made the comment that memory is a function of history?  Is it? 

In his book, Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert shares scientific studies of memory that show that, contrary to popular opinion, our memories aren’t full-length features stored in exacting detail.  Instead they are more like holograms where what’s stored are the key elements of the story.  The details get filled in as we recall the episode.

Professor Gilbert goes on to say that “the least likely experience” is often the “most likely memory.”  Why is that?  Because the least likely experiences trigger emotional reactions.  Indeed, it’s the emotional reactions that we have to the situations we face that determine what memories we retain.

If you doubt that think of your last trip to the grocery store.  Was it memorable?  If not, there were no surprises; nothing that triggered an emotional reaction.  Conversely, if it was memorable, it’s likely that someone allowed you to go ahead of him in the checkout line, shared a kind word with you or raced to get ahead of you in line.  Each of these actions triggers an emotional response that forms a memory.

Why is this important?  Because, as Professor Gilbert notes, this natural tendency can “wreak havoc with our ability to predict future experiences.”  If our primary recall is of unusual experiences, how accurate is our historical perspective?  How well can we predict future outcomes if we’re focused on the least likely results?

It’s counter-intuitive, but memory is not an accurate historical perspective.  That’s why, when predicting an outcome, it’s wise to recall:

1. The last relevant experience you had
2. What emotions were triggered during that experience
3. Whether this was an isolated instance among many other similar, yet less memorable, experiences

Then ask yourself, “Is this memory an accurate predictor of what I can expect?”  This simple approach will help you avoid creating unrealistic expectations and improve the historical accuracy of your memory. 

The 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE program I offer is designed to help you see more effective ways of doing business – ways that dramatically improve your bottom line while making your life easier.  In today’s blog I used Step 3, Suspend Judgment, to show you that emotions trigger memories and influence our expectations for the future. Then I used Step 1, Contributory Negligence, to demonstrate how we contribute to the outcomes we get – favorable or unfavorable – by our penchant for using “least likely experiences” to predict the future.  Finally I used Step 5, Contrarian Mindset, to show you how to overcome this natural tendency.  For more information on the 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE visit www.furtwengler.com/theinvaluableleader/

Please share your experiences and wisdom with Invaluable Leader readers by posting your comments.  If there are topics you’d like me to address, please send me an email at dale@furtwengler.com.

What can neuroscientists and athletes teach us about reality?

How to choose more effectively!

Nobel-prize winning neuroscientist, Dr. Gerald Edelman, says “we must look at all acts of perception as acts of creativity.”  In other words, we create the reality we’re facing by the way we choose to perceive what’s happening.

Neurobiologist William Calvin, in his book, The Cerebral Symphony says “We create the world we see: We surely modify it with experience, but it’s an invented world.  How we emotionally react to something may, in turn, affect how we see it in the future.” 

World-class athletes echo these themes when they say that their greatest asset is a “short memory.”  These athletes quickly forget both their successes and failures.  They realize that flawless performances and failed attempts are both merely fleeting moments in time.  Dwelling on either their successes or failures can only accomplish one thing – limiting their future success. 

How do these athletes develop a short-memory?  The answer lies in William Calvin’s quote above; it’s the word “emotionally.”  It’s not that these athletes are devoid of emotion.  Indeed, anyone who has watched a sporting event knows how high emotions run before, during and immediately after the game.  The key to these athletes’ success is that they are able to quickly set aside those emotions and focus their attention on the next shot, the next play or the next game. 

Conversely, many of us behave as if we are bipolar when it comes to dealing with our emotions.  We’re reluctant to let go of the emotional highs we experience when things go well.  We find it equally difficult to pull ourselves out of the throes of disappointment when our attempts fail.  In essence, we create realities of incredible joy or staggering disappointment.

Now imagine what your reality would be if you chose to view your successes as affirmation that you’re on the right path and your failures as guideposts directing you back onto the path.  Wouldn’t life be a lot more enjoyable if you could consistently maintain these mindsets?  Isn’t that a reality you’d choose for yourself if you simply knew how?

It’s counter-intuitive that, while we can’t avoid emotional reactions, we can limit the amount of time we spend in any given emotional state.  How?  By first recognizing that we are being emotional, then choosing to set that emotion aside so that we can focus our attention on the next thing we need to do to enjoy even greater success.  This simple two-step process helps you choose a reality that minimizes the periods of self-doubt, fear and anxiety all of us experience and replaces them with a “can do” mindset that makes life a lot more fun and exciting.  The choice is yours.

The 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE program I offer is designed to help you see more effective ways of doing business – ways that dramatically improve your bottom line while making your life easier.  In today’s blog I used Step 3, Suspend Judgment, to demonstrate how emotions form judgments which, in turn, determine the reality you experience.   I also employed Step 6, Eclectic Education, to offer insights from two different disciplines, neuroscience and sports, to support my point.  Finally, I used Step 4, Seeing Similarities, to show how two different disciplines reach the same conclusion.

You can learn more about the 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE program and how it can help you deal with the business challenges you face by clicking on http://www.furtwengler.com/7steps.htm

Please share your thoughts, whether you agree or not, by posting a comment.  If there are topics you’d like me to address, send me an email at dale@furtwengler.com.