It’s natural to rail at things that upset us…

…but is it productive?

ATTRACT Opportunities Instead of Pursuing Them…

…Using Counter-Intuitive Thinking

In Step 3, Suspend Judgment, I struggle, as I believe most of us do, to avoid allowing the emotional reactions I have from becoming judgments about the person, the message or the behavior.  That’s precisely where I am today.

A friend recommended a national best-selling book to me.  I won’t mention the book or author because I don’t believe in denigrating the work of others.  There’s too much of that going on today.  Besides I wouldn’t be modeling the behavior of suspending judgment that I’m asking you to adopt as part of the 7 Steps program.

What I’m offering is the lesson that I’ve taken from this experience.  As I was reading the book – actually within the first 20 pages or so – I was inclined to return it to the library unread.  Why?  The author was railing about today’s political environment without offering any suggestions on what we, the readers, could do to effect changes in that environment.  The examples offered about governments failings were accurate and lucid, but these examples left me with the nagging question “So what do I do about it?”

Without that answer the author left me feeling angry, frustrated and helpless.  The last thing we need are those emotions running rampant throughout the populace.  It’s an emotional blend that builds a powder keg of emotion that, once sparked, unleashes terrible violent action despite the fact that this author promotes non-violence in his rhetoric.

It’s counter-intuitive, but railing at anything triggers emotional reactions in others that can lead to unpredictable, sometimes violent reactions.  At the very least, railing will result in the listeners forming judgments that closes their minds to alternative approaches to dealing with the situation being discussed.

Whenever you feel inclined to rail at something that’s upset you, pause a moment. Remind yourself that you’re experiencing an emotional reaction.  Recall previous instances in which you were emotional and how those emotions clouded your judgment.  Then recall those situations in which you were able to set aside those emotions and how much more lucid and productive your thinking was.  Relive the joy you experienced as this emotion-free state allowed you to craft a variety of alternative solutions to the problem you were facing.  Remember the peace you experienced as you realized that there were a number of solutions, any of which that could work.

If you want to be INVALUABLE, don’t rail at the situations you face. Instead, set aside those emotions and the judgments they naturally form and explore alternatives to the situation you’re facing.  Once you’ve identified those alternatives, communicate the circumstances factually as well as the alternative approaches.  The people around you will appreciate the fact that you haven’t cast them into an emotional whirlpool with no way out.  It’s the kind of approach that will cause them to seek your well-reasoned counsel, invite you onto their teams and involve you in their new initiatives.  It’s another way for you to become INVALUABLE.

Attracting opportunities is only the beginning.  Visit www.pricingforprofitbook.com to discover how to get compensated well for the value you provide.  Enjoy!

If you’d like to receive a weekly email reminder with a link to The Invaluable Leader blog or if you’d like me to address specific topics, please send me an email at dale@furtwengler.com.  Please share your experience with our readers by posting a comment.

Desirable goal…

…or limiting vantage point?

ATTRACT Opportunities Instead of Pursuing Them…

…Using Counter-Intuitive Thinking

The one step in the 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE that continues to intrigue me day-in, day-out is Step 6, Eclectic Education.  It’s through diverse reading that I find gems like this.

I recently read a brief summary of Socrates’ life by Anthony Gottlieb. In this booklet the author offers four dramatically different perspectives on who Socrates was. These perspectives come from the writings of Plato, Xenophon, Aristophanes and Aristotle.  Gottlieb notes that each author’s account is shaded by the beliefs the author held.  Plato was a profound advocate of reason, consequently his descriptions of  Socrates emphasized Socrates’ reasoning.

Gottlieb goes on to say that while none of these accounts is entirely accurate, by blending the four we can get a reasonable sense of who Socrates was and what he believed.

In a similar fashion, the late Saul Alinsky in his book, Rules for Radicals, says “…judgment must be made in the context of the times the action occurred and not from any other chronological vantage point.”

The obvious questions these two books raise are “What are facts?  Do they even exist?  If so, how do we find them?”  Based on these readings it seems that “fact” is a matter of perception.  Since perception is always based on personal experience, any fact must then be specific to the individual’s or group’s experiences.

For those of you who prefer to make decisions based on “fact” this can be disconcerting.  These authors are in essence saying that there is no single set of facts on which we can rely as the basis for our decisions.  That flies in the face of our natural desire to discover “the facts.”

Should the lack of complete knowledge (facts) deter us from the exploration?  Absolutely not!  All scientific effort has as its goal the acquisition of knowledge about how things work.   Yet, the reality is that the knowledge gained in scientific exploration always falls short of a complete answer – scientists never have all of the facts.

It’s counter-intuitive, but our desire for facts is limiting.  If there were only one set of facts we’d lose the benefit of other peoples’ perspectives.  With that in mind, our search for the facts must necessarily lead us to an exploration of the other party’s experience which, in turn, expands our knowledge – not of “the facts,” but of the vast array of possible interpretations of those facts.

The next time you find yourself inclined to search for the facts, pause a moment and remind yourself that what you’re really seeking is others’ interpretation of those facts.  This approach will not only help you stand out in the crowd.   It will make you INVALUABLE to those around you and, in the process, attract opportunities so that you don’t have to pursue them.

Attracting opportunities is only the beginning.  Visit www.pricingforprofitbook.com to discover how to get compensated well for the value you provide.  Enjoy!

If you’d like to receive a weekly email reminder with a link to The Invaluable Leader blog or if you’d like me to address specific topics, please send me an email at dale@furtwengler.com.  Please share your experience with our readers by posting a comment.

Would you like more influence?

Then learn to present your ideas succinctly?

ATTRACT Opportunities Instead of Pursuing Them…

…Using Counter-Intuitive Thinking

This week we’re going to explore Step 2, The Persuasion Myth, in a slightly different light.  As most of you know Step 2 says that we can’t persuade anyone of anything, they have to persuade themselves.  With that in mind our goal, typically, is to ask questions that allow the listener to discover new perspectives on the issue at hand and, in the process, validate their conclusions with their own experiences.

Fortunately, that’s not the only way (is there ever just one way?) to gain influence.  I’m sure that you’ve met people who didn’t say very much, but when they did everyone listened.

What was it about this person that made their words so powerful?  What allowed the person to command so much attention even though, typically, he or she is soft spoken?  One of the keys is brevity.  Most of us have experienced monologues that dragged on and on leaving us wondering “Is there a point to this?”

Why do we do that?  Why do we embark on these endless narrations?  Our natural tendency is to seek recognition.  This pursuit often leads to lengthy explanations of the:

• Situation we faced
• Obstacles we encountered
• Ways in which we overcame those obstacles
• Conclusions we reached
• Reasons why our approach is the best approach

It’s counter-intuitive, but if we take a few seconds to organize our thoughts:

• To provide only relevant information
• Preferably in question form
• To encourage discovery by our listeners

we’ll go a long way in influencing the outcome we desire.  Remember, the approach will be viewed as manipulative unless you keep an open mind.  You must be willing to consider the possibility that your conclusion is wrong.  Your questions should be crafted as explorations of new perspectives, not as leading others to your foregone conclusion.

By retraining our minds to present ideas succinctly we make ourselves more valuable to others.  The more powerful our words become, the more others admire this ability in us.  It’s why they seek our counsel, why they invite us onto their teams, why they want us involved in new initiatives.  That’s how we become INVALUABLE to them.

Attracting opportunities is only the beginning.  Visit www.pricingforprofitbook.com to discover how to get compensated well for the value you provide.  Enjoy!

If you’d like to receive a weekly email reminder with a link to The Invaluable Leader blog or if you’d like me to address specific topics, please send me an email at dale@furtwengler.com.  Please share your experience with our readers by posting a comment.

ATTRACT Opportunities Instead of Pursuing Them…

…Using Counter-Intuitive Thinking