None of us wants to be average.

Or do we?

One of my favorite authors is Robert Cialdini , a social psychologist who teaches at Arizona State University. His latest book, Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive, offers new and fascinating insights into human nature.

He and several other researchers did a study of 300 California households’ energy usage. They communicated the results to the participants. While they expected the results to cause the highest users to cut their energy consumption. They didn’t expect the lowest users to raise their power usage, but they did.

This and other studies he and his colleagues have done demonstrate that there is a natural human tendency to move to what he calls “the magnetic middle” – to become average. Can that be true? Do we really strive to be average? Let’s consider some common behaviors and see whether or not Dr. Cialdini’s observations apply to us.

Do you discount your talents, abilities and experience by assuming that, because they come naturally to you, everyone possesses those abilities? Have you presumed that the “facts” you possess are self-evident – that everyone has those facts?

It’s these presumptions that we’re “normal” and, consequently, the rest of the population is just like us that often gets us into trouble. It’s the reason others get the feeling that we aren’t listening to them, that we don’t care about their perspectives, that we’re arrogant or stubborn for standing so firmly on our beliefs.

How do we overcome this natural tendency? The first step is awareness. We have to understand that we’re not like everyone else – that we possess skills and abilities that others don’t possess and that we may be fighting different demons than they are. This knowledge allows us to see, and command fair compensation, for the value we bring to the table. It also allows us aid others in the fights with their demons and, in doing so, helps us build an army to help us fight our own.

Second, as we enter conversations, we need to remind ourselves that others have different backgrounds and experiences than we do; consequently, they’re going to have perspectives that are dramatically different than ours. Relish this diversity! It affords us wonderful opportunities to grow, personally and professionally.

Third, we need to acknowledge that our goals in life, our dreams, are not the same as theirs. We need to respect the fact that others want different things in life than we do. This will help us avoid setting unreasonable expectations of others – expectations that are likely to be the source of great frustration for both of us.

It’s counter-intuitive, but if you want to stop discounting your offerings, if you want better relationships with family, friends, coworkers and bosses, you need to stop presuming that everyone is just like you. You have to avoid the magnetic middle.

The 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE program I offer is designed to help you see more effective ways of doing business – ways that dramatically improve your bottom line while making your life easier. In today’s blog I used Step 4, Seeing Similarities, to combine an insight from a social psychologist’s experiment with my observations of the natural tendency my consulting and coaching clients have to devalue their offerings to help you avoid this pitfall. I also employed Step 5, Contrarian Mindset, to help you see the value of varying perspectives have both for your personal and professional growth and in strengthening your relationships with others. For more information on the 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE visit www.furtwengler.com/7steps.htm.

If you’d like to receive a weekly email reminder with a link to The Invaluable Leader blog or if you’d like me to address specific topics, please send me an email at dale@furtwengler.com. Please share your experience with our readers by posting a comment.

Good news – My latest book, Pricing for Profit, was released 9.9.09 in the United States, Canada, U.K., Italy, France, Germany and the Netherlands.  Pick up your copy today!  It’s available in all the major bookstores – Borders, Barnes and Noble and Amazon.

For more information on Dr. Cialdini and his fascinating work, visit http://www.influenceatwork.com/

A dilemma…

…or an opportunity for enlightenment?

A friend was telling me of an opportunity that presented itself.  Someone, who had a lot of very attractive contacts, wanted to do some joint marketing.  My friend then said that his potential partner, at their first meeting, had launched into an hour-long presentation of what he did and how valuable it was.  My friend asked for my thoughts regarding this opportunity.

What would your response have been?  Should he pursue this opportunity?  Is further exploration warranted?  Or should he forego this opportunity?  Regardless of your response, I’d like you to take a moment to reflect on the rationale for whatever advice you would have offered.  What were your reasons for the conclusion you reached?

Here’s how I responded.  I told him that I didn’t feel like there was much promise in this potential partnership.  Why?  Because I saw incongruities in what my friend was being told.  First, his potential partner claimed to have a lot of very attractive contacts.  If he was that well connected and had that many people who valued his offerings, why would he need a partner to market his offerings?

Second, during the first meeting with my friend,  his potential partner did an information dump that indicated that he wasn’t very adept at sales.  All of the effective salespeople I know tantalize prospects and potential partners by offering glimpses of what they’re offering without divulging much about the offering itself.

Finally, the potential partner did little exploration of my friend’s background, skills, abilities, interests or results.  His focus was on convincing my friend that he would be a valuable partner.

What was the result?  My friend came back to me and said that my assessment was right on target.  During his second meeting with this potential partner he asked for examples of the results and successes the partner had achieved.  He asked about the strength of the potential partner’s relationships with his contacts.  Finally, he inquired about the potential partner’s knowledge of his business.What my friend’s inquiries uncovered was that his potential partner’s business was built on a very shaky structure.  Not one on which he wanted to invest a lot of time, energy or money.  He ended this partnership exploration after two meetings.

It’s counter-intuitive, but we can’t discover the truth in what we’re being told until we’ve investigated the incongruities.  In every misrepresentation, whether intentional or not, the truth can be found in the incongruities.  If you’re looking for a way to assess what you’re being told, compare the behaviors the other person is exhibiting against what you’re being told.  Then ask “Are this person’s words and behaviors aligned?”  If they are, you have good reason to move forward.  If not, the incongruities will lead you to the truth.  Once you’ve discovered the truth, you’ll know whether or not to proceed.

The 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE program I offer is designed to help you see more effective ways of doing business – ways that dramatically improve your bottom line while making your life easier.  In today’s blog I used Step 4, See Similarities, to show that the absence of similarities between behavior and words is a cause for further investigation.  I also used Step 5, Contrarian Mindset, to demonstrate that incongruities should be a cause for celebration, not consternation – a source of truth, not a dilemma.  For more information on the 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE visit www.furtwengler.com/7steps.htm.

If you’d like to receive a weekly email reminder with a link to The Invaluable Leader blog or if you’d like me to address specific topics, please send me an email at dale@furtwengler.com.  Please share your experience with our readers by posting a comment.

Good news – My latest book, Pricing for Profit, was released 9.9.09 in the United States, Canada, U.K., Italy, France, Germany and the Netherlands.  It’s available in all the major bookstores – Borders, Barnes and Noble and Amazon.

Is social networking the latest business tool?

Or simply the new backyard?

When I was a kid (yes, I can remember that far back), we didn’t have air-conditioning so the neighbors would sit out during the evening and visit while the day’s heat dissipated.  As air-conditioning became more affordable, those evenings under the stars ended and the close relationships we had with neighbors declined.

Many of us of that generation are using the social networks to reconnect with the people of our youth and experiencing great joy at finding long-lost friends.  Even those too young to remember the backyard visits appreciate the relationship building power of these social networks.  Facebook, Twitter and a whole host of social networks have become the new backyard.

Yet many of us in business keep trying to convert these tools for business purposes.  A few have done so with great success.  Most of us, however, are struggling to make effective use of these tools.  Why?  Because it seems to take inordinate amounts of time to sift through the backyard stuff to get to the business stuff.  That will continue to be our dilemma until greater segmentation occurs within the social networks.

It’s counter-intuitive, but most of us are not going to be successful using social networks until we separate our social contacts from our business contacts and consciously decide how much time and energy to devote to building each type of relationship.  The more conscious the choice, the greater success we’ll enjoy in both arenas.

The 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE program is designed to help you see more effective ways of doing business – ways that dramatically improve your bottom line while making your life easier.  In today’s blog I used Step 4, See Similarities, to relate today’s social networking rage with the mechanism used decades earlier.  Then I used Step 1, Contributory Negligence, to see what we’re doing that contributes to the problems we’re having converting this tool to business purposes.  For more information on the 7 Steps to Becoming INVALUABLE visit www.furtwengler.com/7steps.htm.

If you’d like to receive a weekly email reminder with a link to The Invaluable Leader blog or if you’d like me to address specific topics, please send me an email at dale@furtwengler.com.  Please share your experience with our readers by posting a comment.

Good news – My latest book, Pricing for Profit, is going to be released 9.9.09 in the United States, Canada, U.K., Italy, France, Germany and the Netherlands.  Prepublication orders are being taken at amazon.com, borders.com and barnesandnoble.com. Enjoy!